GOODBYE PARIS:

The time I spent here has been incredible;
I was forced to do nothing,
but to keep my mind open.
I came a bit scared,
but in the end there's nothing I feared.
I learned an exciting side of English.
I was challenged to this blog,
and though I didn't write every week, I still learned a lot.
I found my creative self,
and hope to bring it with me wherever life takes me.
I had the best mentor,
gained some new friends,
and I can't wait to share my memories with everyone!
I know this is short, and oh so sweet,
but I have nothing else to say,
but thanks to all who've supported me here.

 

I remeber

In all honesty, I remember the good times from my past. Why should I dwell on the more unfortunate times? I'm happy with how far I've come, and can't wait to have more memories down the road! It's weird to see how much has changed in just 18 years of my life. The funny thing is that I will probably be saying the same exact thing in another 18 years! I remember the good times!

That One Reliable Person In Our Lives:

I think God granted each one of us that person that is always going to be there no matter what. That person you can tell anything to, the person who has your back at all hours of the day, that person that is like a sibling to you. Sometimes it isn't clear who that person is, but ounce you find them, you'll know they will be there forever. The person that God gave me was my cousin JJ. Since we were little we always couldn't wait to hang out with each other. I remember playing outside in JJ's castle that her dad had built for her, spending birthdays together, and even holidays together as well. Things took a sharp left, the day I moved to Utah, we started seeing each other only for a week per year. That one week we had together brought so many memories, and great night talks, that it was like I still lived in Illinois. As we got older we actually got lives, and it became hard to talk year round, so that week we got, was like catching up all year. Whenever the week ended and she left back home, I always bawled my eyes out, because it was like loosing a best friend! I don't think I've ever had a true best friend like JJ has been to me. I know were family, and family always sticks together, but our bond is more then family. She's my best friend, and I know this because I've seen her at her worst and at her best, and nothing has been able to tear our friendship apart. I trust her with all my heart. I care for her so much, that I only want what is best for her. I can't wait to be re-united with my cousin-bestie someday, so that we get to spend more than a dam week together. I love you so much, and can't wait for many more lifetime memories that await us! This is that one reliable person in my life that I'd do anything for, and thank God so much for bringing her in my life!

Is it just me?

Is it just me or is my vocabulary as intelligent as it was in 3rd grade? Is it just me or is it a waste of time to get ready for class anymore? Is it just me or is dialogue with the opposite harder than it used to be without technology? Is it just me or do you all hate high school too? Is it just me or do we all still like to color with crayons? I hope I'm not crazy. Is it just me or do we all forgot to do this blog post thing? Is it just me of have we all peed our pants from laughter? Is it just me or do you we all have a favorite blanket? Is it just me or have we all had our first kiss? Maybe I need more friends. Is it just me or do weal all still have best friends like we used to? Is it just me or are all of you guys not the person you come off to be? Is it just me or do we all still get scared at night? Is it just me or do you all think religion is crazy? Is it just me or are relationships in high school pointless? Man... It's just me...

The Brain Of a Women: (Dialogue)

Me: He is so tall and handsome. You: You shall never talk to him. Me: He's fit and has the cutest laugh on earth! You: Look at yourself, I don't think you're up to his standards. Me: I'm so nervous. You: Maybe you are up to his standards, but you're not as pretty as the girl he's eyeing right now. Me: I want to punch that girl. You: I swear he was eyeing me earlier though. Me: I know right, I'll just stand here and see if he comes by. You: And if he does, then he definitely was eyeing you. Me: And if he doesn't I guess I really am too ugly for him. You: Or fat. Me: Sigh, but he's so cute. You: Maybe you should go stand a little closer to him. Me: OK! (Scoot, Scoot, Scoot) You: I wonder what he thinks of me? Me: Maybe I should just walk by and say hi? You: Then he might think you're stalking him. Me: Ah, ya I'll just wait here. You: Now you look like a dork all by yourself over here. Me: Ill stare at my phone. You: Hm.. Who to text... Me: (Glance up). You: He's looking at you. Me: OMG I KNOW! You: Breathe. Me: WHAT SHOULD I SAY? ME & You: "Hi, I'm Martha."

Bells Will Be Ringing

Bells will be ringing; oh and they are. You go to any grocery store and there stands someone ring-a-ding dinging away for you to donate some cash into that red bucket. I have no idea what it's even for, but I donate anyway, because its the season of giving, it's Christmas time. The time when you go into a store and you hear the same Christmas music playing over and over again, and by the time Christmas even comes you're so sick of it! When everyone drops a bomb on their wallet, and we all want the newest things! Why is it that the holiday season isn't so cheery anymore? Is it because were all selfish, and compete with our friends to see who gets the most stuff, or the best thing for Christmas? Well haven't you all watch Elf before? Santa doesn't come without Christmas spirit! So please just enjoy the health you have, that you're not in a hospital bed; dying. Enjoy the family you got, because it's all you have. Oh, and one more last thing, stop nagging about getting some big expensive gift for Christmas, because the best gifts come from the heart, and the IPhone 5 comes from a factory many long miles away.

Merry Christmas!

Phenomenal Woman

Phenomenal Woman By: Maya Angelou

I'm so jealous of you. The fire in your eyes, the bend of your hair, inner mystery, you have it all; confidence. Why can't I be just a little bit more like you? There I am sitting in the class room, silent. I used to not be. I'm full of character, a triumph story, yet I'm silent. I'm like a plant ready to pop out of the ground. All I ever wanted was for someone to like me, to notice! I lack the confidence, but I can't seem to gain it. No inspiration I have lost my way- way back last year, and I am on this new road taking me to success, while all you guys sit in that desk thinking who to ask to the next dance, or where you'll be going on a damn mission, but none of you care about the now, then, or what really matters, because if you did than you'd take a chance to know me, know us, because were phenonmenal women.

http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/maya_angelou/poems/492

How to Make Your Bed:

How to Make Your Bed:
 Step 1: Throw everything off your bed
Step 2: Put the pillows at the top side of your bed near the headstand
Step 3: Organize them nicely in a straight line
Step 4: Put your cover back on the bed
Step 5: Straighten it out neatly and flatly
Step 6: Make sure your cover is equally draped on both sides
Step 7: Why are you doing this?
The key to making your bed is to not do it, because you're going to sleep in it within 24 hours anyway, and who cares about their bed being made? Beds are made for jumping in them, sleeping in them, pillow fights, and other things that aren't to be discussed. You see you need to have your bed the way you like it, and it is just going to waste many precious minutes making your bed every morning. Wouldn't you rather sleep for an extra five minutes? I would. So if you want to make your bed every morning than do it. Otherwise don't.

Big Red

Just Go With It:

Just go with it, if you never worried about every single detail, than you wouldn't be a women. Just kidding, If you didn't ever worry and just went with it, where would you be? Who would you be? If life just went on and on and on, all we would do is sit there breathing helplessly until our last breathe on this vacant earth, because no one would care about a job, an absence at school, their family or friends, if you never worried, than you have never truly lived. The things that drive us are the things we want, need, and love. We worry about all those things. Why? I don't know, we're human I guess. So for the things that matter I'll worry and fight for them ,and the things that don't I'll just let them go.

Newspaper

Rights for sports will run the world.

Time

Time, starts, stops, ends
Time, endless, forever, and never
Time, once, has, memories
& it never ends
Time, lives, clock, seconds, minutes
Time, leaves, goes, endless
Time, travels, back, forth
& it is endlessly awaiting you
Time, calls, does, not, forget
Time, can, will, still
Time, crush, crunch, crash
Time, goes, on, today
& you never can go back
Time, living, dead, breathing
Time, older, wiser, crazier
Time, relax, cry, mad
& and you're always living it
Time, like, a, bomb
Time, America, world, continents
Time, running, away, you
& it goes on..................

Time, Time, Time

Grand Theft Poetry:

The original has no consistency, even before the kings and the grave, and the barrows, but we'll never let it go.
On Tuesdays with Morrie we discussed
It was dark in Eragons cell, when he sat up with a start.
He said, "Dear Santa, I like your beard, and I have whiskers too."
Mr. Zinkoff giggles.
Then he says, "all in all bro, I thought I had a pretty good spring."
So Holler if you hear me.
"No Egyptian drink! You've heard of hot chocolate."
"Not a coffin." I say
I had a date with Destiny, 20 thoughts after, when I woke up I didn't know where I was
But the Holy Spirit accomplishes all through me
His eyes reflect his puzzlement of it all, but only briefly because we're on camera
"Oh" Lebron said.
"I'm just doing my homework."
"So stop that noise!" Screamed Atticus
I thought that was a good strategy.
And in fact, relaxation and creativity go hand in hand.
"Hey" Bacon called. "Eragon over here."
So the intellectual differences among races is a subject that only the most politically indifferent scientist did.

Direct Order: Party

Party like it's your first time staying out past midnight; like it's the night of your first kiss; your honeymoon; finding out you're expecting; like its the day you're first son was born.
Party like the first time you drank whiskey; like it's new years eve; you're 16th birthday; 21rst birthday; like you just got the iPhone 5.
Party like it's your first day in college; found your first love; like you get to travel the world.
Party like you never had homework; party like you got an A in every class; like Mr. Nelson didn't give us blog homework; like you got a Ferrari.
Party like you got with the hottest girl at Lone Peak High; Party like pot was legal; party like neither Obama nor Romney won the election; like its 2012; like you don't have a curfew anymore
Party like you just won the lottery; got a million dollars; hit the jackpot; living in Hollywood; in a action movie.
Party like its your last day to live; last day of earth.

Death

It's like we all talk living, but never death. We're all afraid to die, because we don't talk death. If you accepted that you were gonna die than you wouldn't be afraid of it. Instead we focus on living life to the fullest, as if we are gonna live forever. Get real. No technology will be available anytime soon to make you live forever, so get over that fact, because we are all going to die. Hopefully it's many years down the road, because most of you haven't even had the chance to really live yet. We are all gonna die. There are so many ways to die. So many illnesses, diseases, enemies, and psychos out there. You just won't know. When someone dies, especially someone close to you, its like that person goes crazy because they lost someone. Well most religions have a belief called "heaven" so wouldn't you just see them then? If so it's not the end of that person. I mean unless you believe in hell, and this person in your belief is going to go there than you shouldn't miss them anyway. I think funerals wouldn't be so emotionally scary if we all just accepted the fact that we are all going to die. Be happy for the people who got to really live, and not they are resting in peace. Don't cry because they are gone. We all have one precious life so take care of it. If someone you knew took their life away, overdosed, or did something reckless, and is no longer on "earth" than that is no-ones fault, but their own. All for the sole purpose that they were done truly living, and now they are at a new level of "life". To be honest no one really know what happens when you die. That's what I'm afraid of. The unknown. What if we just disappear. Gone. What if there really is heaven? I guess this is why we have religion to guide us through the unknown.

Make Me Feel Again

Have you ever been in a relationship? One that didn't end up the way you wanted it to? A two year long relationship? Once you have than you'll know exactly what I have to say.

I know I'm not even 18 yet, but I thought we were gonna last forever. I loved you, and I could feel that you loved me. We hung out with each other every day. My life was you. Your life was me.

What happened? I don't know, we are too different people now. I just can't drive to your house at two in the morning anymore to save you, and you can't come to mine to save me.

I got over you. What I didn't know is that I can't feel love anymore. It's like along with leaving you my emotions jumped out of my body too. I can't find them. I don't know how to feel again. I can't cry when I should. I can't get mad when something sets me off, and I feel like I can't love again.

Is this what damage feels like? Is this what happens when you loose someone so close to you, it hurts to much to even think about having someone like that again in your life?

I'm scrolling through the contacts of my phone. I need someone to talk to. Someone else to distract me, but I only scroll to your name. Stare at it.

I'm at work. I see this new dark handsome man stare at me, than he comes up and talks to me. For he first time in weeks I feel noticed. Days go on and we hang out.

All I have to say to this dark handsome man is: Make me feel again. Make me feel loved, happy, important.

Because I've felt love before, and I miss it so much. I miss how I used to feel.

Fans

Why are you a fan?
Are you a fan because it's the team that wins all the time? If so, than all you care about is winning, and you aren't a fan.
My dad told me this is the team we root for. You aren't a fan if someone tells you to like something.
Color of the team? You like the color of the team, than you shouldn't be watching the sport.
Where the team is from? Just because they are from somewhere you like, doesn't mean the team players are from there.
You like a certain play they did, well maybe it wasn't even supossed to happen that way.
You selected a team randomly? Well maybe you should at least the who the coach and star players are first!
Why are we so supported for the teams we like? We bash others that don't like that team, and we may not even know why we like the team we do.
Example: BYU fans against UofU fans.
It's like a rival between the fans and not the sport.
Why can't we all just watch the sport, and be there for the game, not because you're the fan.
So what if you have their jersey, your uncle is on that team. Grow up, and be the "fan" you want to be inside, bu show maturity and respect on the outside.

Even Duct Tape Can't Fix Me

This gray, sticky adhesive, strong thing, rolled in a circle around a flimsy cardboard roll, can't even fix me. It can't fix me because my issues are far more than the average broken cup handle on grandmas china set, broken vase, lamp, Halloween decoration. It's far more than that.

Can't fix what I saw, these images are engraved in my head. I stick this piece of duct tape on my eyes, but than my memory pulls up the image. I can't duct tape the memory.

What I heard was worse though. They say sticks and stones can break you're bones, and words will never hurt ya. Well I wish you just threw the sticks and the bones at me, because what I heard, shattered my heart, made me forget who I am, feel empty inside, made me run and vomit, because of how sick those words made me feel.

This duct tape can't fix what I should have done, should have said. I'll have this regret for the rest of my life, and no this stupid little gray sticky thing can do nothing right now to fix it. All it can do is stick to my finger, helplessly.

I can wrap myself in this stuff, and jump off a bridge. I'd plunge right into the water and I'd be gone, I'd forget about it all, but wait this sticky stuff isn't water proof, I'd be able to swim back up to the surface. So never mind, this stuff really can't help me.

I can try and forget about it all, and just use this stuff for the time I break something, you break something, or he breaks something. I'm only human, and I really can't let myself go because I went through this, I just have to live on, and find a way to forget it, because this duct tape right here, right now, can even fix me.

What I think about.

This is what I think about..... And.... And sometimes about.... And thats about it..