Direct Order: Party

Party like it's your first time staying out past midnight; like it's the night of your first kiss; your honeymoon; finding out you're expecting; like its the day you're first son was born.
Party like the first time you drank whiskey; like it's new years eve; you're 16th birthday; 21rst birthday; like you just got the iPhone 5.
Party like it's your first day in college; found your first love; like you get to travel the world.
Party like you never had homework; party like you got an A in every class; like Mr. Nelson didn't give us blog homework; like you got a Ferrari.
Party like you got with the hottest girl at Lone Peak High; Party like pot was legal; party like neither Obama nor Romney won the election; like its 2012; like you don't have a curfew anymore
Party like you just won the lottery; got a million dollars; hit the jackpot; living in Hollywood; in a action movie.
Party like its your last day to live; last day of earth.

Death

It's like we all talk living, but never death. We're all afraid to die, because we don't talk death. If you accepted that you were gonna die than you wouldn't be afraid of it. Instead we focus on living life to the fullest, as if we are gonna live forever. Get real. No technology will be available anytime soon to make you live forever, so get over that fact, because we are all going to die. Hopefully it's many years down the road, because most of you haven't even had the chance to really live yet. We are all gonna die. There are so many ways to die. So many illnesses, diseases, enemies, and psychos out there. You just won't know. When someone dies, especially someone close to you, its like that person goes crazy because they lost someone. Well most religions have a belief called "heaven" so wouldn't you just see them then? If so it's not the end of that person. I mean unless you believe in hell, and this person in your belief is going to go there than you shouldn't miss them anyway. I think funerals wouldn't be so emotionally scary if we all just accepted the fact that we are all going to die. Be happy for the people who got to really live, and not they are resting in peace. Don't cry because they are gone. We all have one precious life so take care of it. If someone you knew took their life away, overdosed, or did something reckless, and is no longer on "earth" than that is no-ones fault, but their own. All for the sole purpose that they were done truly living, and now they are at a new level of "life". To be honest no one really know what happens when you die. That's what I'm afraid of. The unknown. What if we just disappear. Gone. What if there really is heaven? I guess this is why we have religion to guide us through the unknown.

Make Me Feel Again

Have you ever been in a relationship? One that didn't end up the way you wanted it to? A two year long relationship? Once you have than you'll know exactly what I have to say.

I know I'm not even 18 yet, but I thought we were gonna last forever. I loved you, and I could feel that you loved me. We hung out with each other every day. My life was you. Your life was me.

What happened? I don't know, we are too different people now. I just can't drive to your house at two in the morning anymore to save you, and you can't come to mine to save me.

I got over you. What I didn't know is that I can't feel love anymore. It's like along with leaving you my emotions jumped out of my body too. I can't find them. I don't know how to feel again. I can't cry when I should. I can't get mad when something sets me off, and I feel like I can't love again.

Is this what damage feels like? Is this what happens when you loose someone so close to you, it hurts to much to even think about having someone like that again in your life?

I'm scrolling through the contacts of my phone. I need someone to talk to. Someone else to distract me, but I only scroll to your name. Stare at it.

I'm at work. I see this new dark handsome man stare at me, than he comes up and talks to me. For he first time in weeks I feel noticed. Days go on and we hang out.

All I have to say to this dark handsome man is: Make me feel again. Make me feel loved, happy, important.

Because I've felt love before, and I miss it so much. I miss how I used to feel.

Fans

Why are you a fan?
Are you a fan because it's the team that wins all the time? If so, than all you care about is winning, and you aren't a fan.
My dad told me this is the team we root for. You aren't a fan if someone tells you to like something.
Color of the team? You like the color of the team, than you shouldn't be watching the sport.
Where the team is from? Just because they are from somewhere you like, doesn't mean the team players are from there.
You like a certain play they did, well maybe it wasn't even supossed to happen that way.
You selected a team randomly? Well maybe you should at least the who the coach and star players are first!
Why are we so supported for the teams we like? We bash others that don't like that team, and we may not even know why we like the team we do.
Example: BYU fans against UofU fans.
It's like a rival between the fans and not the sport.
Why can't we all just watch the sport, and be there for the game, not because you're the fan.
So what if you have their jersey, your uncle is on that team. Grow up, and be the "fan" you want to be inside, bu show maturity and respect on the outside.

Even Duct Tape Can't Fix Me

This gray, sticky adhesive, strong thing, rolled in a circle around a flimsy cardboard roll, can't even fix me. It can't fix me because my issues are far more than the average broken cup handle on grandmas china set, broken vase, lamp, Halloween decoration. It's far more than that.

Can't fix what I saw, these images are engraved in my head. I stick this piece of duct tape on my eyes, but than my memory pulls up the image. I can't duct tape the memory.

What I heard was worse though. They say sticks and stones can break you're bones, and words will never hurt ya. Well I wish you just threw the sticks and the bones at me, because what I heard, shattered my heart, made me forget who I am, feel empty inside, made me run and vomit, because of how sick those words made me feel.

This duct tape can't fix what I should have done, should have said. I'll have this regret for the rest of my life, and no this stupid little gray sticky thing can do nothing right now to fix it. All it can do is stick to my finger, helplessly.

I can wrap myself in this stuff, and jump off a bridge. I'd plunge right into the water and I'd be gone, I'd forget about it all, but wait this sticky stuff isn't water proof, I'd be able to swim back up to the surface. So never mind, this stuff really can't help me.

I can try and forget about it all, and just use this stuff for the time I break something, you break something, or he breaks something. I'm only human, and I really can't let myself go because I went through this, I just have to live on, and find a way to forget it, because this duct tape right here, right now, can even fix me.

What I think about.

This is what I think about..... And.... And sometimes about.... And thats about it..

In Front of a Crowd

If I got to do anything, be anything, have anything, it would be to be a talented singer. I'd just want to do it once. I would want to be in front of the biggest crowd ever, to see them cheer me on, their hands go flying in the air "ON CHORE", they'd shout. I just want to sing. I want to sing in front of an audience.

I'd make sure you all had a smile on your face. You'd have the best night ever, you'd feel so good inside, you'd tune into my song, and sing along. For that one song you would forget about mom and dad fighting, about seeing what Robbie did, Marc being drafted, how Sarah died, and all that other fucked up shit you go through every day.

You would wake up, be the person you are, who you want to be, you'd get the chills, but feel so high. You wouldn't feel alone because everyone around you feels the same damn way! The person to your left is singing, and the person to your right is dancing. You are doing both.

I'd get the biggest thrill by looking out into the crowd at every single one of your faces, seeing how relived and happy you are even if its for night. I maybe have saved you. I have saved myself. I am bursting inside singing to you, becuase I have never felt so alive. I have the best voice ever. The best song ever. I am singing under the stars on a warm summer night, and you all are watching me.

And all this happened just because of my one song.